The expectation at this time of year is togetherness. From adverts to films to social media it’s hard to avoid images of groups of friends, big families and happy couples. Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, that’s not the reality for a lot of people and it can feel lonely sometimes.
What is loneliness?
Being alone isn’t the same as being lonely. Most people need time to themselves and, of course, sometimes you might feel lonely when you’re alone. But it’s also possible to feel lonely when you’re surrounded by people. Perhaps you don’t feel you belong, or you haven’t really found anyone you connect with yet, or maybe you’re finding it hard to make friends. Everyone’s experiences of loneliness are different.
Saying the ‘L’ word
Loneliness is more common than you might think. Research found that 1 in 4 students feel lonely all or most of the time. It can feel difficult, or even embarrassing, to tell someone you’re feeling lonely. In fact, research from Better Health: Every Mind Matters found 43% of 18–34-year-olds said they worried their peers would judge them if they said they were lonely. But in the same survey 60% said they’d strike up a conversation with a friend who mentioned feeling this way.
So, you shouldn’t blame yourself and you definitely aren’t alone. If you can, speaking to someone about how you’re feeling can help.
When you’re feeling lonely the things that can help might be the things that feel most difficult. You might feel more sensitive to how others respond to you, or fear being rejected if you put yourself out there. Try to accept these feelings without letting them hold you back – it will get easier in time and you’ll start to feel better if you take small steps each day.
Re-connect
Reaching out to friends or family can help you to feel less alone. It doesn’t have to be a big or meaningful conversation but checking in with a group chat, or even creating a new one, means you have regular contact. If you’re spending the holidays away from your usual support network, try sharing what you’ve been up to and asking about their day.
If you’re feeling isolated and don’t have anyone to talk to, try to avoid spending lots of time by yourself in your room. Making yourself a regular at a coffee shop, gym, or community space like a library is a good way to be around others. You might find that you start to meet people just by being a familiar face.
Read our article on feeling lonely and homesick for suggestions for ways to meet people and make friends.
Volunteer
Another great way to get out and meet new people is by volunteering. It can offer a distraction from how you’re feeling by keeping you busy and giving back can make you feel good too. At this time of year, organisations need more help than ever. What about spending an afternoon at a soup kitchen? Or you could help Crisis provide essential support at this time of year.
You can check King’s Volunteering for more opportunities.
Cut down social media use
Social media can be a great for connecting but it can be isolating if you open your phone and find your experiences aren’t reflected in what you see online.
If your social media use is leaving you feeling flat or unhappy, try cutting down the time you spend online. Start by using the screen time settings to set limits on your use of social media apps, this will give you a reminder to take a break and do something else.
It’s worth remembering that people only post their highlights on social media. You might open Instagram and see a big group of friends out together, followed by a family smiling around a table, followed by a couple whizzing around an ice rink. All lovely stuff but you don’t really know what’s going on behind the scenes.
Do things you enjoy
How do you like to spend your free time? Making time for hobbies and exercise is a good way to fill your day and occupy your mind. Spending time outdoors, reading or listening to podcasts can improve your mood. Perhaps there’s something you used to enjoy but you haven’t had time for lately, you could use your break to pick an old hobby back up. Or try something totally new.
Check our suggestions for things to do over the winter break, which might inspire you.
If loneliness persists
Loneliness and mental health are closely linked. If you’re feeling lonely over a longer period of time and need some support, you can reach out to support services at King’s.
Find out more about support and activities over the winter break.
There are also organisations that can help:
- You can text ‘Shout’ to 85258 to be connected to a trained volunteer who will support you by text
- You can call the Samaritans on 116 123 to talk to someone at any time, day or night, 24/7