Becoming me: How children develop their identity

This week is Place2Be’s Children’s Mental Health Week 2025. This important awareness week launched a decade ago in 2015 and is celebrated every February. This year, Place2Be has partnered with Here4You, supported by The Walt Disney Company and the Inside Out 2 characters to explore the theme “Know Yourself, Grow Yourself”. At the Institute of Psychiatry, Psychology & Neuroscience (IoPPN), I’ve been working with other experts to understand how children form their own identity and the importance of this in developing resilience to cope with what life throws at them.

How identity develops in childhood

From birth to around age five, children begin to develop an idea of who they are (their ‘sense of self’). In the first year of life, they start to distinguish between ‘I’ and ‘You’, realising that others are separate individuals. By around four years old, they understand that their thoughts are private and that they have their own personal “timeline” – a unique past, present and future. At age five, as they prepare for primary school, children start to see themselves in relation to the social world around them.

Thinking about identity

Encouraging children to think about their identity can be as simple as asking them to consider which of the below statements describe them:

The first column describes your ‘self-identity’ (how you see yourself), and the second describes your ‘social identity’ (who you are in relation to other people and groups). Both of these come together to make up our identity.

Identity is always changing

Like adults, children’s identities shift as they try new things, meet different people, and experience life changes, such as moving schools. We don’t always know our interests or how we relate to others until we explore!

My research focuses on how children use play, imagination and technology. Evidence suggests that whether they’re pretending to be superheroes or creating virtual worlds in video games, children’s play often mirrors aspects of their real-world identity.

Learning about identity through art

At the end of 2023, I visited Lyndhurst Primary School – our neighbours at the IoPPN – to talk to the children about ‘identity’. The visit, which was organised by my colleague Jackie Sansom, was coordinated with their Art Week, providing an opportunity to creatively explore the topic of identity, with the added bonus of decorating our Psychology research labs!

We held two assemblies, one for the younger students (ages five to seven) and one for the older students (ages seven to 11), where we explored ‘self-identity’ versus ‘social identity’ through interactive activities. The younger children were excited to share their preferences—dogs or cats? —while the older students reflected on how their identity might change as they transition to secondary school.

After the assemblies, the children submitted artwork on their own interpretation of the theme of ‘identity’. Their creations beautifully captured different perspectives—some focused on personal likes and dislikes, while others illustrated themselves in different roles and relationships.

Encouraging exploration and growth

When we have a good sense of our identity across lots of different parts of our lives, research has found that our wellbeing is better.

For parents, teachers and caregivers, one key takeaway is the importance of giving children as many (age-appropriate) experiences as possible. Trying new activities, meeting new people, and engaging in creative play all help children discover more about who they are.

Identity isn’t something we ‘figure out’ once and for all – it’s an ongoing journey. I recently experienced my own identity shift by becoming an uncle (‘Mamu’ or ‘Chachu’ in my mother tongue), which is now a huge part of how I see myself. Many of us can relate to similar moments of change, and children are experiencing these shifts all the time – let’s help them out by encouraging curiosity and exploration.

You can find lots of free resources and activities for schools and families to explore this theme on Place2Be’s Children’s Mental Health Week website.